Today I keep checking the price of Bitcoin, could this be the bottom? I'll tell to myself, okay I'll wait more... Or when I reached this amount in my bank account then the rest would go back to crypto. Could this be my freedom from oppression and tyrannical rule? I can only hope. For others, the bloodbath is like the end of their crypto lives. For me, it is a sign of hope. A chance to get in and break free from bondage.
I've been crying since yesterday and it's not because Diablo is missing or I have no more online shopping credits, I've been crying because I feel how hard it is to become a normal human being. Y'know, keep my head low and work for the Man. I can't be an Ant. Back in the day, I used to be able to keep a job 2 years max. But now, geez, how difficult it is to even last a year? How do others do it? I know I know, patience, perseverance bla bla bla. Preach it! I admit that as I get older, I have less and less tolerance for everyday BS. Maybe I just don't have this forward-thinking abundance mindset that other so-called successful ones have. Or maybe, I am not meant to have a ruler. Or maybe, I am not meant to stay alive in this sick sick society. I'm too messed up to obey and comply with the societal norms. You know the pattern? When things get all-too-easy and all-too-comfortable, the adventurous diabolic side me will start creating enemies. Even if there really are no enemies. Sigh. Maybe I was born a gangster just like Diablo lol.
Why do I behave the way I do? Why do you think that someone like me can become a threat to a corporate establishment? I have no fear. When you have no fear, suddenly, you can do anything. I have no fear to lose it all, to fail, and start over. But I look and act like human and I should be able to repress myself just like everyone else. I should be able to think about my future and all. I guess I am monster. I've become this dark I'm afraid now what I can do.
Don't get me wrong, I've had the patience to work for a couple of months because I do have life goals. I've set those so I don't get too dark and negative and make my everyday life purposeful.
I don't know, maybe this is just a bad day. People at work are asking me to do things that I'm not happy to do anymore. It is hard for me to obey for a reason. A reason that is so personal or maybe even irrational. Maybe some of you won't even relate to it not even in your lifetime. And yet, I have to obey and it kills me. It kills who I am. It kills my soul. Bottom line? It starts with a J. And to be honest, I'm obsessed with it. This is my dark side.
Some people just pushed me further and further into the blackhole and point of no return. I guess this is the part when good people become bad.
The "stick it to the man" attitude hasn't left me since college. Gosh, you are probably telling me now to grow up and be like everyone else. Get along with other human beings. Easy to say huh? It feels like I should stay to stay alive. The other option is to die. And go straight to hell where the party's at and my friends are lol. Anyway, it's all downhill from here.
Letting his diabolic nature take its course...