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Sketchbook [ENG/ESP]

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Those were fun days; we had no worries, just enjoying classes, recess and eating in the canteen. The high school was huge, so much so that it took me two days to get to know it, since it was so big that many places escaped adult supervision. I was too much of a coward. My classmates, on the other hand, enjoyed the last classrooms and let their hormones flow daily.

I was more restrained. I even had a hard time making any kind of contact with boys my age. The boys in the hall looked after me and in a way, I felt like the senior mascot; always weaker, more shy, less cheerful, the opposite of Steve. Steve was every girl's dream at school, he was handsome, tall and stupidly sexy.

At the time, I wasn't clear about my sexuality. I would dare say that none of us were clear about our sexual identity when we were around Steve, who had come to Venezuela from Sweden when he was 5 years old. He was unattainable, not only for me, but for half of high school. His girlfriend was so pretty, they called her "the Barbie" and although everyone seemed to love her, something inside me made me hate her.

She was very cute, treated everyone very well, but I felt she was fake. Steve, on the other hand, was nice, but I didn't feel condescension in his treatment, he treated us as equals and not as if he was European royalty. Marionne, for her part, had adopted that attitude even though she was more Orinoco royalty than European, but everyone let her live out her fantasy.

Although, for me it was as if when she spoke to me, she felt as if she was doing me a favor. And I, of course, couldn't stand her, even though I didn't have to tell her. To be honest, no one wants to have the most popular girl in high school as an enemy. Least of all me, who went unnoticed.

Steve, lived in his own world with big headphones in his ears and a skateboard, which he took everywhere he went. We lived close to each other, but we had never spoken, it was as if our worlds had no connection whatsoever, besides what were we going to talk about, I didn't even know if I could articulate a word if he turned his attention to me. I lived in a different world, I loved to draw and had a whole catalog of creations.

Steve was my favorite model; I drew his face with such precision, it seemed as if my drawings took on his look, his skin, his life. The strokes were incredible, so much so that I would stare at them for hours. What I didn't know was that those drawings would bring me closer to him. I found out one afternoon when my best friend, Claudia, was out of school.

That afternoon, I was alone. So when I got out of class, I didn't hesitate to leave the classroom as soon as the class was over. I left almost running, running away, I don't know why or from what, I just knew I had to get home fast, and when I finally sighted the front of my house, I heard a scream and then the last thing I remember was falling like Condorito: on my back.

My first reaction was to make sure my drawings were safe and suddenly, I saw him, lying right next to me. Steve was standing upright, worried about me and I couldn't believe it. The cutest kid in high school had run me over with his skateboard. I managed to get out of my trance quickly and reached to pick up some of my drawings, but Steve, wanting to help me, picked up a copy of a drawing I had done of him and the nightmare began.

—Camilo, are you ok?, —he asked me, —I was distracted and I didn't see you, these here... Are they your drawings, I'm sorry, you didn't hurt yourself?

—No, thank you. You can relax, I just need to put my drawings away—I said trying to look away from my creations.

—Yes, of course, I didn't know you could draw. Thank you for drawing me, it was beautiful.

—Who says it's you, — I said trying to pretend—no, you're not the center of the universe Steve.

—But, the guy in the drawing is riding a skateboard and it says STEVE, if it's not me, then who else is it going to be?

—Well, that's okay. I've drawn you, you've run me over and I've drawn you, I guess we're even.

A long silence fell between the two of us, I wanted the earth to swallow me up with all my drawings. Then, while I was expecting the worst, he started going through his backpack and up to that point, I was expectant, but I couldn't even take a step, for fear of succumbing to anxiety. Before I knew it, he had pulled out a sketchbook identical to mine, but with skateboard stickers on it.

I felt like I was in a surreal Wattpad story; me the unnoticed kid in the class, living my fantasy with his crush and his authentic collection of drawings. Steve was drawing too!, his eyes were sparkling as he tried to reassure me and showed me his own creations, it was an idyllic moment interrupted by a scream, which woke me up from my dream. Marionne was coming towards us and he quickly hid his drawings, what was I doing involved in such a situation?

To be continued...

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Eran días de diversión; no teníamos preocupación alguna, solo disfrutar de las clases, los recreos y comer en la cantina. La secundaria era enorme, tanto que tarde dos días para conocerla, al ser tan grande muchos lugares se escapaban de la supervisión de los adultos. Yo era demasiado cobarde. Mis compañeros, por su parte, disfrutaban de los últimos salones y dejaban fluir sus hormonas a diario.

Yo era más comedido. Incluso, me costaba mucho establecer algún tipo de contacto con los chicos de mi edad. Los muchachos del salón me cuidaban y en cierta forma, me sentía como la mascota del último año; siempre más débil, más tímido, menos alegre, todo lo contrario a Steve. Steve era el sueño de cualquier chica en el colegio, era guapo, alto y estúpidamente sexy.

En ese entonces, no estaba claro de mi sexualidad. Me atrevería a decir que ninguno tenía claro su identidad sexual estando cerca de Steve, el cual había llegado a los 5 años a Venezuela, procedente de Suecia. Él era inalcanzable, no solo para mí, sino para mitad de la secundaria. Su novia era tan bonita, que le decían "la Barbie" y aunque todos parecían amarla, algo dentro de mí me hacía odiarla.

Ella era muy mona, trataba muy bien a todos, pero yo la sentía falsa. Steve, por su parte, era amable, pero no sentía condescendencia en su trato, nos trataba como iguales y no como si fuera de la realeza europea. Marionne, por su parte, había adoptado esa actitud a pesar de que ella era más de la realeza del Orinoco, que de la europea, pero todos la dejaban vivir su fantasía.

Aunque, para mí era como si cuando ella me hablaba, ella sintiera como si me estuviera haciendo un favor. Y yo, por supuesto, no la soportaba, aunque no tenía por qué decírselo. Siendo sinceros, nadie quiere tener como enemiga a la chica más popular del instituto. Menos yo, que pasaba desapercibido.

Steve, vivía en su mundo con grandes audífonos en sus oídos y una patineta, que llevaba a cada parte que iba. Vivíamos cerca, pero nunca habíamos cruzado palabra, era como si nuestros mundos no tuvieran ningún tipo de conexión, ¿además de que íbamos a hablar?, ni siquiera sabía si podía articular palabra si él dirigía su atención a mí. Yo vivía en un mundo diferente, me encantaba dibujar y tenía un catálogo completo de creaciones.

Steve era mi modelo favorito; dibujaba con tanta precisión su cara, que parecía como si mis dibujos cobrarán su mirada, su piel, su vida. Los trazos eran increíbles, tanto que me quedaba horas observándolos. Lo que no sabía era que aquellos dibujos me iban a acercar a él. Lo supe una tarde en la cual mi mejor amiga, Claudia, no había asistido a clases.

Aquella tarde, estaba solo. Así que cuando salí de clases, no dudé en salir del salón en cuanto hubo acabado la materia. Salí casi corriendo, huyendo, no sé por qué o de que, solamente sabía que debía llegar rápido a casa, y cuando por fin avisté la fachada de mi casa, escuche un grito y luego lo último que recuerdo fue haber caído como Condorito: de espaldas.

Mi primera reacción fue asegurarme de que mis dibujos estaban a salvo y de repente, lo vi, tirado justa a mi lado. Steve se erguía, preocupado por mí y yo no lo podía creer. El chico más guapo de la secundaria me había atropellado con su patineta. Logré salir rápido de mi trance y alcance a recoger algunos de mis dibujos, pero Steve, queriéndome ayudar, recogió, un ejemplar de un dibujo que había hecho de él y la pesadilla comenzó.

—Camilo, ¿Estás bien?, —me preguntó—venía distraído y no te he visto, estos de aquí… ¿Son tus dibujos?, lo siento, ¿no te has hecho daño?

—No, gracias. Puedes estar tranquilo, solo necesito guardar mis dibujos—dije intentando a apartar su mirada de mis creaciones.

—Si, claro, no sabía que sabías dibujar. Gracias por dibujarme, ha quedado precioso.

—¿Quién dice que eres tú?, —dije queriendo disimular—no, no eres el centro del universo Steve.

—Pero, es que el chico del dibujo está montado en una patineta y dice STEVE, si no soy yo, entonces, ¿quién más va a ser?

—Bueno, está bien. Te he dibujado, tú me has atropellado y yo te he dibujado, supongo que estamos a mano.

Un largo silencio se interpuso entre los dos, yo quería que me tragara la tierra con todos mis dibujos. Entonces, mientras esperaba lo peor, él comenzó a revisar su mochila y hasta ese punto, yo estaba expectante, pero no podía ni siquiera dar un paso, por miedo a sucumbir ante la ansiedad. Cuando quise darme cuenta, él había sacado un block de dibujos idéntico al mío, pero con calcomanías de patinetas.

Me sentía como en un relato surrealista de Wattpad; yo el chico desapercibido de la clase, viviendo mi fantasía con su crush y su auténtica colección de dibujos. ¡Steve dibujaba!, le brillaban los ojos mientras trataba de tranquilizarme y me mostraba sus propias creaciones, fue un momento idílico interrumpido por un grito, que me despertó de mi sueño. Marionne se acercaba hacia nosotros y él rápidamente escondió sus dibujos, ¿qué hacía yo envuelto en una situación como aquella?

Continuará...


Another posts that may interest you | Otras de mis publicaciones que quizás te interesen:



Mañana que te vea - Poema
INICIATIVA SEX EDUCATION ON HIVE - Descubriendo mi sexualidad
Esto también pasará

Source of the image on the cover - Fuente de la Imagen en la portada

Translated by me & also using Deepl


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